I’ve been searching and trying to reach a state of “perfection” for as long as I can remember: be the perfect child, the perfect student, the perfect friend, the perfect wife.
Ask my parents and they would probably say I’m a loving, caring and thoughtful daughter – for sure. Ask my teachers and college professors and they might say I was uptight and worried about grades, but willing to help my peers and a good student. Ask my friends and they might say I’m loyal, fun, loving. I don’t think anybody would say perfect.
My husband and I say we are perfect – to each other. We are not all perfection. We don’t even strive to be anymore. It’s unattainable. No one’s definition of perfect is the same. You will never totally please another. So we know that our qualities – good and bad – are what make our relationship work.
I’m all about that. Try as I might to be the perfect (insert friend, daughter, wife), I’m only human. I make mistakes. Sometimes I can’t focus on you when I need to focus on me for a while. And it’s ok.
It’s funny, though. How much pressure we have to be perfect at everything: balancing family, career, friends, hobbies and still have time to leave your house sparkling and look like a supermodel. And how sad it makes us when we don’t. How we look to our neighbor and think they have it perfect.
No one has it perfect. Everybody struggles, everybody suffers – some are just more vocal then others, some more vulnerable, but we all deal with this. It’s hard to admit you can’t be perfect. But I can’t. I’ve tried, but it’s not fair – to me or others.
I found this quote, and I have it printed and written down in random papers to remind me that if I need to choose, I’ll choose to be graceful. To handle things with care, but to stop thinking about “what would be the perfect thing to do/say?”
I used to always say what I thought people wanted to hear. Not that I wasn’t true to myself, I just felt that I needed to. It took me a while to understand that I was trying to be who everyone wanted me to be – to be perfect. That’s not the standards by which I want to live, by which I want my kids to grow up with. I want more than that. I want to be me.
So this is the moment I break free. I’ll strive to handle challenges that marriage/kids brings me in the future with grace, but I will make mistakes, and hopefully learn from them. Because this is life – we are supposed to grow, to evolve, to learn. And if one thinks one has already reached perfection, where is the encouragement to better oneself?