I have many secrets, some that even I don’t know. Some that I have yet to identify as a secret.
One that sticks out to me is a little bit related to yesterday’s post (which I didn’t write, because one more post about being a procrastinator would’ve bored everyone to death). But I’m a doer. And a procrastinator.
Doing makes me happy. Which is why I got my Bachelor’s in graphic design. Not creating is extremely boring to me. But creating opens room for judgement, for criticism, for failure. So I try not to do too much.
We are currently in the process of reupholstering 5 dining room chairs (6th one coming soon). It is super nerve wrecking. I am almost done with the first, and there are a bazillion things I would do differently already. So as soon as I show my family the chairs, I point the negative aspects of it. Why? I want to beat them to the punch. I want them to know how painfully aware I am of my flaws so no one can point them out.
That is the story of my life: protect yourself from failure.
But what does that leave? Room for “what ifs“, “if only I had“, “i wish I did“. It’s something I struggle with, daily. Making sure to push myself through what I think people will say. They will comment anyway, right? Whether I do good, or bad. Whether they approve or not. So I try to let them talk.
I would’ve never tried to create anything before. But now, it makes me happy. It opens my eyes to other projects that I’m sure I can handle. Seeing other people’s projects, struggles, outcomes makes me want to do them. It’s fun, it’s challenging, and it’s a learning process.
I’ve been doing loads better. This blog, this community, help me a lot. It makes me connect to people I’ve never personally met. People with amazing talents, whether writing, painting, cooking, living. And I know I’ll probably never get to that level, but it entices me enough to try.
And as I once read in a blog: woman was made to create. And create I shall, failure be dam*ed.
Now you’re in on the secret. What’s yours?