Life has been very slow. Blogging has sometimes taken the back burn, because, truthfully, not much actually has happened over at these parts. Besides me coming to a realization.
Brian has been taking a few additional classes to follow a different career path. And working full time. I have two jobs myself. That basically leaves us with a few odd Sundays and Mondays together. This lack of time together has been taking its tow on me.
I hate to admit it, but lately, I haven’t been a good wife. Instead of realizing how hard it must be for him, I focus on how hard his work load has been affecting me. So I become needy, I snap at him, I badger him with questions and projects, and ideas as soon as he walks through the door. Instead of taking the load from him, I add to his pile. I focus on how hard not having him is for me, without giving it a second thought on how hard he’s working.
Instead of being there for him, helping him anyway I can while he works hard, I’m adding to the load. What kind of wife is that? Is that how I want my husband to see me?
The answer is definitely no. I’m trying to be encouraging, to be helpful and to assist him while he focus on his career. I’m proud of him, and I always tell him how proud I am of him, but I realized it takes more than that.
He is working on improving his career because of us, and for us. He wants to be our provider, wants me to be able to have more time in the future when we decide to expand the family. He sacrifices his time with me not because he wants to, but because he feels he needs to. And I love him even more for that.
But just like that little light bulb lit up, I noticed a few more things I need to work on:
– If you’re going to be there, be there. Yup, borrowed it from a song. But really, I tell Brian that we don’t get enough time together as it is, so I make a point to ban electronics when we hang out.
– I have a problem with knowing when to stop. I already came up with yet another project for the baby shower. Don’t worry, I’m not spending a dime, just working with what I have. But I thought of making a cute little banner with her name. We can put it either with the presents, or where the cake will be. It will be adorable. I need to be able to stop, and I should work on that. But just like this time, I push the thought away with a: after this gets done I’ll be happy..
– I need to try and work with what I have. Not only because let’s be honest, I can’t just buy whatever I want at any time, we need to save for some of our projects, but it makes it actually fun to try and come up with ideas on how to reuse something we have just laying around.
– I need to be more positive. Sometimes I can be a very negative person, and just focus in all the little things I’d like to change. I went to this training on Sunday that actually opened my eyes as to how I view myself. And just how that impact how others see me too. It was eye-opening.
Well, those are my Monday confessions. I’ll be back soon with a recap on my training – it was that good!